


Keeping Busy

by ohayohimawari



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Coping, Drabble, Gen, Grieving, Healing, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 00:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21328924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohayohimawari/pseuds/ohayohimawari
Summary: A snippet of Shikamaru's transition into life after the Fourth Shinobi War.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Keeping Busy

**Author's Note:**

> I lost one of my parents this past summer and I'm running out of things to keep me busy, so sadness creeps in. It's NaNoWriMo season, so, I'm writing it out and releasing it.
> 
> I do not own these characters; I'm glad to have them in my life to share my grieving.

“So, uh, I went and got that box from the closet that you asked me to keep hidden from Mom, but, you know her,” Shikamaru punctuated his greeting with a dry laugh and a wry smile. “She caught me. Sorry I failed the mission, though I don’t think you needed to worry. She asked me to give it to her anyway. She said there wasn’t anyone there anymore to get mad at. Then,” he inhaled sharply, “she broke down. She closed herself in her room, and I went outside, respected her privacy. She came out a little while later, though, and called me in for dinner.”

Shikamaru scuffed his shoe on the ground. “I don’t know how Kakashi-sensei, er, Lord Sixth could do this every day; I honestly don’t know what to say, I—” Shikamaru stopped abruptly. He looked up and shook his head in exasperation. He pulled one hand from his pocket and ran it down his face. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

Shikamaru reached into one of the breast pockets of his inherited jōnin vest and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He tapped the package against his free hand to knock one loose and placed it between his lips. He then reached into his trouser pocket for his inherited lighter and lit the cigarette, sucking on it to pull the smoke into his mouth before exhaling. The taste calmed him, though he didn’t like the smell. “I think Mom is doing okay, or she will be okay, I think,” he flicked the ashes that had formed on his cigarette before returning it to his lips to take another drag from it.

“There’s plenty to keep us busy, whether we need it or not. She says that she’s happy to be kept busy, and that’s good, it’s just,” here he stopped again; unsure of whether or not that which he wanted to say ought to be spoken aloud.

“Mom keeps busy, but she’s not the same woman right now. She’s, I dunno,” he looked down at his cigarette and flicked the ashes free from it again but didn’t raise it to his mouth. “It’s like she’s _afraid_, but of what, I don’t know. She seems lost, and I know that’s to be expected, but that doesn’t make it easier. Sometimes, she actually seems frail to me, and I never thought _she_ could.”

Shikamaru took a final drag from his cigarette before he dropped it and stomped it out beneath his foot as he exhaled a cloud of smoke. “I can’t fix this, and I can’t make it easier or be sad, so she doesn’t have to be. I can’t always be there for her because,” his throat tightened with a surge of emotion, and he fought to swallow it down, “because _I’m_ not okay either. I will be, though,” he added quickly. “Mom will be okay too. One way or the other, this is going to get easier. I have to trust in that.”

He thrust his hands in his pockets and let his head fall forward. Shikamaru’s eyes burned, and his throat began to close again. “Damn it,” he cursed in a hushed voice.

“I miss you so much, Dad, that I can’t breathe sometimes.”

Shikamaru cleared his throat and wiped his face with the palm of his hand. He ran the back of it across his nose, and then brushed it off on his trousers, removing all traces of emotion.

“I have to get to the Hokage Tower now. Kaka— Lord Sixth doesn’t run as late these days, but he does try to sneak out early,” he scoffed. “Why didn’t you tell me there was so much paperwork? It’s such a drag, you really coulda warned me you know,” Shikamaru looked at his father’s name etched into the memorial stone. Shikaku’s remains were interred on the Nara land, but his son preferred to come here owing to its proximity to the Hokage Tower, and distance from his mother’s eyes.

“We’re gonna be okay, I promise. I’ll talk to you later,” he said before turning and putting one foot in front of the other, moving forward at his own, lazy pace.

** The End **


End file.
